After wiping each dusty surface and being wrung out numerous times
the rag is hung over the side of the bucket
where it sags towards the ground
dripping.
Today I am the rag.
Tired.
Exhausted.
Needing to get the tears sitting inside out - but they remain un-cried.
–
The last two weeks have included wonderful times with my parents and sister visiting,
work stress,
and then after going non-stop I decided to jet to Fresno for the weekend to get away.
I was looking forward to driving in the sun, listening to music.
Instead I drove in the rain, shoulders scrunched, hoping I would make it there alive as I felt my car hydroplane over small puddles.
In Fresno I met with some of my favorite people - catching up, patching up and opening up new vista’s of friendship.
While it was wonderful, it took more energy than I expected. I like to forget that I am an introvert and I was not a good leader of myself this weekend - setting up a weekend that would leave me returning to San Diego and the work week feeling exhausted.
I knew I was exhausted, but it hit home when I stopped before the grapevine to get a bite to eat. When I re-entered the freeway, I went the wrong way - for forty minutes - before I realized it. I turned around and started back towards the grapevine. As I saw the mountains approaching in the dark, and as the rain began to splatter once again on my windshield, I thought
that’s it! I have nothing left and I am done.
I pulled off at the next exit, found a Best Western and booked a room. First thing on entering the room, I dropped my bags and ran a hot bath. I called the people who would be expecting me to be home or had expected a call during my long drive.
Soaking in the batch loosened my muscles and when I switched off the light a little after 7:30 p.m., I fell asleep.
I woke up at 3:30 and drove to San Diego - hitting more traffic than I expected and got to work at 9:15 a.m.
I hate being late.
–
So, I am looking forward to the weekend and to time alone - preferably at the beach
to run, forget
let go
write
hum songs under my breath
pray
mostly to
be
re-center
and feel energy re-filling my weary and tired soul